Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
