Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
