I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
