I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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