i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
