It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
