You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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