He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My liver just had a heart attack.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
