People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
pray to the hookup gods
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
