The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
