go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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