I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
