I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
