pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
