Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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