I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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