i don't like sucking hair
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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