i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
