Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
