He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
