my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
