Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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