Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
