are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
