Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
