I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
