Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
