Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
