will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
