Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
