Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
