Don't make out with my wife yet
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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