Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize