please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
