just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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