ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it glows. i had to have it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
