if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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