have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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