We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
