My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This couple is walking their pig around campus
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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