im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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