Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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