I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize