her facebook's as public as her vagina
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
