Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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