When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
