Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
