Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
