Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
