I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
