You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
