get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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