is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
