Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
