just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
