Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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