holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
