I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
