Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
