My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
