I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
