Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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