can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
