How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
