I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love having hate sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
