She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
