I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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